I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
