You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
