just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
