It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
