dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize