Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
