your thong is hanging out like whoa
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
