Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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