My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
