Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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