I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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