You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
