a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
These tits shall not be calmed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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