I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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