Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
