Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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