Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
