can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
