i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
