I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
