just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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