so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He shit in the fireplace
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
