it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
