I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
