She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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