Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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