it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize