A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
