I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize
