You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
