8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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