It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
