I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
