he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Naked. naked and bneed help.
A+ Viking dick
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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