Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
