Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
