just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
