Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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