Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
