A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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