I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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