I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
