How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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