someone owes me an orgasm
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
