So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
