i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
