oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
