Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
