I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
