The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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