It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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