I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
