im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
