What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
