boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
