i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize