I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
