every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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