My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Mom said you looked used
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
